I'm About Done With My Marriage
"I'm about done with my marriage."
Have you heard these words? Thought them yourself? Screamed them out during a heated argument? I cringe thinking of what drives such a statement. His pain, her hurts, their disappointments, and the exhaustion. Loss, addiction, grief, finances. These are just a few of the troubles that can chip away at a good marriage. It saddens me to consider how couples go from extreme delight and happiness on their wedding day and in the “newlywed” phase to sitting in a lawyer’s office signing divorce papers, glaring at each other, bickering over money and children.
Marriage is honestly the most wonderful relationship I have been in. I can count on my husband, I can trust him, and he cares for me better than anyone else. He accepts me, and I accept him. Flaws and all, which by the way, is not easy or always enjoyable. So, our marriage takes a lot of grace and forgiveness and “talking it out.” We feel like a team most days, and do our best to work through and find victory over the challenges that threaten to come between us. I know this may not be the case for every marriage, but most healthy marriages start out this way. Then, the excitement fades and we get a little lazy, and are left figuring out how we keep the love, respect, and the covenant of loyalty, commitment and trust all in tact.
But you are not alone in the fight to keep your marriage alive. The marriage covenant is between man and wife, yes, but that covenant is also made with God. When marriage gets tough, the two of you are never on your own to sort it out. God is with you. Whatever the problems, however devastating the damage, God is wholeheartedly involved in your marriage and can do a mighty saving work.
"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you." Isaiah 43:2
There isn't a perfect formula that can guarantee to make every marriage endure. But a common thread can be found among the lasting marriages: both husband and wife need to be truly committed to each other and to keeping the marriage alive as they stand on Christ as their foundation. This is nonnegotiable and made possible only with guidance, strength, and help from God. When I counsel married couples, I will ask them how committed they are to saving their marriage, and to what extent they consider divorce a viable option. I need to know if the couple is actually in it and open to take the journey of healing their marriage. We will never get far in the process of restoration if one or both partners are more than halfway out the door.
A good marriage is not had by chance, but by hard work and the best intentions from both spouses. I have been married just over three years, and these I have learned: marriage cannot go on autopilot, it may not get easier, and it is not by accident that a marriage is a happy one. My husband and I choose to be honest, forgive, put the hurts behind us, reconcile, and love each other. We choose to serve each other and respect one another. We seek the Lord’s guidance and help, we ask for His strength, and we look to Christ to transform us, making us more righteous and ultimately, a better husband and a better wife.
As believers, we have access to something that can make our marriages outstanding—that is the love of God! His perfect love makes it possible for each spouse to love the other, serve the other, and put the other first. Even more, His love makes it possible for the couple to endure the ups and downs of marriage. By His love, the two can have a real love that produces perseverance, truth, and hope within the marriage.
"Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
If you are struggling today in your marriage, start praying over your marriage and family together, and get yourself into God’s word for victory over what is threatening to destroy your covenant. I always recommend marriage counseling with a qualified pastor or licensed Christian therapist as a great first step to take because that outside voice of truth and a safe place to work through your troubles may be just the help you and your spouse need. If both of you are committed and want to save your marriage, you can and will with God’s help and His grace. Your marriage is worth it!
Author: Pamela Palmer